Ajahn Brahm

So we all know that YouTube can be a source of an enormous amount of mind-numbing junk, but you can find truly wonderful things there too.  Pretty much every night, I spend about an hour or so to help me relax and also to educate myself.  One of my favorite people to listen to is Ajahn Brahm. 

Ajahn Brahm is a British monk in Western Australia.  He gives talks every week, and thank goodness for us, they are posted on YouTube for all of us to hear.  Of course, his words are full of wisdom, as you would expect from a Buddhist monk, but the best part is that he's very funny.  I can always count on him to make me smile, and that's the best way to relax!

Each and every video has spoken to me in one way or another, so I find it hard to pick out my favorite.  I'll just post the latest video titled Terrorism and Peace since the terrorism in Paris has left many of us searching for answers.  Yes, the internet can be used by the terrorists to recruit more members and spread hatred, but we can also use it to recruit even more people into our global community whose mission is to spread love and compassion!

What I'm Learning about Being a Parent #2

In my previous post, I wrote about the #1 thing that I've been learning about being a parent, which was to stop trying to teach them something and just be a good role model.

I think the second most important thing is to accept yourself just as you are.  This actually goes back to being a good role model.  We want to be the "perfect" parent for our children, but we are also human beings.  We all make mistakes sometimes.  That's part of life.  How we choose to deal with those so called failures, however, is up to you.

Do you go over the situation over and over again in your head and berate yourself for the errors you made?  Or do you accept the fact that it happened and that you cannot change what's happened already, so forgive yourself and move on?

I think many of us automatically choose option 1, but stop and think for a minute.  If you ever saw your children berating themselves over "mistakes" they've made, how would you feel?  Is this a behavior that you would like to pass on to your children?

I learned this the hard way.  This past summer, my oldest son was sick for a while, and one day, he fell asleep in the middle of the day.  The second he woke up from his nap though, he was in a complete panic.  After I got him to calm down a little, I asked him what happened.  He told me "I get mad at myself when I take a nap because I feel like I wasted my time."

...Ouch!!  What have I been teaching my son?!  Why can't my son relax and rest, even when he's sick?!

It crushed my heart.  I felt absolutely horrible.  I went down the usual path and got angry with myself.  At the time, I was just beginning to learn to accept myself and to take care of my "inner child".  I didn't feel like I deserved to.  I thought if I had been so demanding of my son that he felt he needed to place so much pressure on himself, then I must demand even more from myself.  How could I possibly forgive and accept myself, which to me seemed like giving myself a "free pass" to get away from my mistakes?

The angrier I got with myself though, my fuse grew shorter also.  Worst of all, my son was mirroring my frustration.  He would boss his little sister around and get angry with her over minor things.  I saw myself in him.  And I knew I had to change.

Your children are heavily influenced by your behavior, good or bad.  If you want your children to be loving, kind people, YOU have to be a loving, kind person.  If you want your children to respect themselves, YOU have to respect YOURSELF.

For me, saying affirmations has helped tremendously.  If I'm driving alone, I constantly talk to myself and send loving thoughts to the drivers and pedestrians passing by.  Writing my thoughts out on paper was also very helpful in sorting them out.  Whatever works for you, do it!  And do it right now!  It may feel weird to you at first, but do it for your children.  And eventually, you'll get to a place where you'll just want to do it for yourself.

You deserve to be happy, and the truth is, you can't make anybody else happy if you are not happy with yourself first.

What I'm Learning About Being a Parent - #1

For the past several months, I've been really reevaluating my beliefs and have had to completely shift the way I think about certain things.  This, especially, had a huge influence on the way I parent my 3 children.  For a while, I beat myself up relentlessly because I thought I had really messed up and had damaged my children permanently.  So, I started telling my son my new ideas and encouraging him to do the same...  But wait!  My beliefs would change again in a few days, so I had another set of new rules!

This really confused my poor son.  He actually got sick for a whole month, and I just got more frustrated.  This was clearly not the way to go.

After awhile, I came across this poem by Kahlil Gibran:


On Children  

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

The first stanza is quoted most often, but the second stanza was the one I needed to get.  So, I evolved again.  I learned that you can't "teach" your children anything.  As soon as you try to do so, your ego steps in and says "I know more than you.  I'm better than you."  Your children will pick up on this  underlying message instantly and feel that they are not good enough as they are.

Well, what CAN you do as a parent, then?  #1, Be a good role model.  You have to become the type of person you want your children to be.  You have to walk the walk, not just talk the talk.  Sure, there's no guarantee that your children will follow in your footsteps, but that's also the case when you pester them to do this and that.  At least, this way, you've improved yourself in the process.  And isn't that what we are here on Earth to do?  To improve ourselves and not anyone else?

P.S.  While this is the number one thing I've learned so far about being a parent, there are few more lessons I had to face.  To keep the posts relatively short, I'll be tackling them one at a time in the coming weeks.   Stay tuned...

Someone Somewhere

Someone Somewhere

Someone somewhere is grieving today
Over a partner who has just passed
Over a parent who’s fading away
Over a little one they’ll never meet
Over a beloved tail no longer wagging

Someone somewhere is grieving today
Who it was - does not matter
How long ago - does not matter
What does matter is that there is pain
Where it hides is the great unknown

Someone somewhere is grieving today
So be kind to your friends and your neighbors
Send some love to your family and strangers
Flash a bright smile, give a warm hug
Go easy on the car horn as you drive

Everyone grieves in different ways
Some are obvious, others are tucked away
But we’ll all grieve - that’s for sure
At some point, over someone - somewhere.

This was one of the things I wrote while I was taking a break from this blog.  I wrote it while thinking of a friend who had just lost her father.  I don't know why, but I felt compelled to share it with you today.  I hope it resonates with someone, somewhere.

You Are Stardust

This gorgeous book caught my eye when I went to the library recently with my kids.  It's called You Are Stardust.  Written by Elin Kelsey, an environmental scientist, this book also delves into how we are all connected - just like the Melodysheep video I linked to in my earlier post.  One of the things it talks about is that we drink the same water that dinosaurs used to drink.  I'd never thought about that, but it's very true as Mother Earth is the ultimate recycler!

Of course, you can't talk about the book without talking about the artwork!  The photographs are of breathtaking dioramas created by Soyeon Kim.  They are just so beautiful!  I love this book so much, I'm seriously considering buying my own copy.

The same team has apparently published another book about animals.  I'll have to see if I can find that as well!

Six Years Later

Six years ago today, an eight-year-old boy went to the emergency room because he had a severe cough.  What no one realized at the time was that he was actually having a stroke.  Next morning, as all his classmates were getting up - ready to head back to school after a long summer vacation - he took his last breath.

His name was Yuto.  He was my cousin's only child.  The end of his life was the beginning of my spiritual journey.  Because how could you not wake up?  How could you keep on living in the same old way, when you are looking at your own child and it hits you - He doesn't have a protective bubble around him. He can be taken away from you just as easily.

It took a long time for me to come to terms with everything.  It seemed so unfair.  It didn't make sense.  Eventually, I got to the point where I accepted what happened and promised myself that I would enjoy and live my life to the fullest so that his passing would not be in vain.  And every year, on the first of September, I would assess my life to see if I was living up to that promise.

This year, I'm noticing a slight but a significant change.  Rather than just saying that I should be enjoying my life to the fullest, I'm at a point now where I know I DESERVE to enjoy my life to the fullest.  (In fact, we ALL do.)  Rather than be somber all day long, I want to do things that make me happy.  I feel like that will make Yuto infinitely more happy than having me sit there and be sad, or worse, sit there and criticise myself for not living my life to the fullest.

So, my husband and I took my oldest, who is also eight years old this year, to Manhattan this past weekend.  Just the three of us, so that we can give him our full attention even if it was for a few hours.  We went to a show and enjoyed a delicious dinner.  The full moon that night, as well as the Manhattan skyline, was gorgeous.  We thoroughly enjoyed ourselves and I loved everyone and everything in this universe.  And that, I think, was the best tribute I could ever make to a boy who headed toward heaven with a most peaceful smile on his face.

If you've read this thing all the way through, I have a favor to ask of you.  Please do something right now, right this minute, that will make you feel happy.  If not for me, then for yourself and for Yuto.  He didn't leave this world early to make us live in fear that our life or our children's lives will be cut short.  He's teaching us that if we have something we'd like to do, do it now!  If you have someone that you love in your life, tell them now!  Carpe Diem. Seize the day. Gather ye rosebuds while ye may....

 

P.S. Hmm, I seem to have walked right into yet another Melodysheep video!

A Song Stuck in My Head

Do you ever get a song stuck in your head?  I've got Melodysheep's "We Are All Connected" stuck in my head right now.  If you've never heard of Melodysheep, he digitally alters footage from television and movies to create very unique songs.  He has a whole album of songs called Symphony of Science in which you'll see well known scientists singing (and rapping!).

For me, if I get a song stuck in my head, it's a signal that I need to pay attention to the lyrics.  It's like the universe communicates to me through songs.  Sometimes, the message is obvious.  It cues me up to the exact lyric I need to hear.  Sometimes, I have to keep singing the song until I get to the part that's relevant.

I've had this current song stuck in my head for a few days now.  I thought it was because I needed to appreciate everyone in this world.  To keep working on feeling connected to the universe.  Now, I'm starting to feel like it was because I'm supposed to blog about it.  Someone somewhere is supposed to find this song, and I'm part of the web (quite literally) that leads that person to it. 

So, I trust the universe and put this out there.  I hope it reaches the person it's supposed to reach.